one of the men from my building started talking to me as i crossed the street last night. he remembered me from a few days a go, he said, and i remembered him, too. he told me a bit about himself before handing me some fresh mint that he just bought from the store. i couldn't help but smile. i feel at home here.

my beautiful apartment, which is much closer to work (and everything else), is surrounded by beautiful trees and the sounds of birds chirping. kids play outside long after the street lights come on as their parents sit curbside and chat, making my new neighbourhood seem quite life-giving and full.

my roommates are wonderful; one has offered to pick me up and drop me off on several occasions and the other makes (and shares) delicious food. to my surprise, i woke up to a full out breakfast yesterday; it was nice to be able to sit down at our new kitchen table and share a meal together.

but more than what they do (we are far more than 'what we do'), they are kind, thoughtful and considerate.

work is slower than i would like it to be and somewhat transitional, but my heart beats for youth and i'm thankful that i get to work for the greatest organization on the planet. we're heading to quebec city this week for our national conference and on saturday night, i walk that stage and officially graduate with my credentials. (if only my parents could see me now!)

but here's the thing; though everything is going right and i am doing everything right (taking care of my spiritual life, eating well, exercising, getting fresh air etc), i feel really, really sad.

my go-to isn't to blame God for things; He doesn't owe me anything and i believe He is wholeheartedly sovereign, but i felt my anger geared towards him last week as we approached father's day. stuff surfaced from the past, i missed my dad greatly and felt angry that everyone else in my life has a dad (and/or a mom), not to mention a husband, father-in-law and kids to help lighten the burden a little. (i know that no one can take your grief away, but providing a distraction for the day helps), and some even have all of the above (which i want them to), but i was am angry that lack all. it just doesn't seem ... fair.

maybe this particular sadness has carried me through the week, i don't know. all i know is that while i've been able to function this week and get where i need to be each day (which shows a lot of growth),

i
can't
shake
this
sadness.