i suspect that all of you reading this either have a mom or know someone who does, or have children or know someone who does. by the same token, i think it's fair to say that most of you also know someone who is grieving the loss of their mom or child, a poor relationship with either, or, quite frankly, the inability to have kids in the first place.

the question is, how do we reconcile this on a day like mother's day? do we tip toe around the fact that people are hurting? not hand out roses to the moms in church in fear we are adding salt to someone else's wound? make sure everyone (and their mother) knows how 'blessed' we are to have a proverbs 31 mom? (that's a whole other blog.) plaster social media by telling everyone we know about how great our mom is?

i think the answer is quite simple (though admittedly hard to navigate); i think we need to do what romans 12:15 tells us to do (especially on a day that both are prevalent): "rejoice with those who rejoice and mourn with those who mourn"

for me, it looks like this:

tomorrow i will grieve the loss of my beautiful mom while simultaneously rejoicing with my sister as she celebrates her first mother's day as one. i'll wrestle with being barren at age 39 as i (very gratefully) hang out with kids who are very dear to my heart and like family to me, AND i'll go to church (a place i usually avoid every mother's day) to support and celebrate a friend as she preaches.

the truth is, it's easy to celebrate beautiful moms and be happy for those of our friends who have kids; rejoicing is the easy part (unless you're jealous.) mourning with those who mourn, on the other hand, is much harder. it takes time to write, call or show up, and feels yucky, heavy or awkward, and at times, costly. but at the end of the day, there are times when we must learn to balance both.

truth be told, there will be some very selfless women in your life who need to be reminded of how strong, courageous, and appreciated they are tomorrow, but there will be others in your life who need to know that you remember them, too.

happy mother's day, moms! you are the heartbeat of your family. (dads are great, too, but they have their own day.)

i'm moving in 29 days.

the thought of this was daunting at first. do i live alone and risk financial strain (toronto is expensive yo) or live with strangers and risk the possibility of messy relationships and conflict, or unmet expectations on either end? (i mean, i can work on my expectations, but what if they expect too much from me?) the more i worked through the 'what ifs?' and wrestled with the fear of making the wrong decision, the more i felt stuck.

but then the Lord directed me to a certain community and neighbourhood.

so i pursued this option, and everything fell into place. (doesn't it always?)

the result?

two (so far) great roommates, cheaper rent than i pay now, a 20 minute trek to a major subway station downtown, a half an hour walk to my office (which now takes me 2.5-3.0 hours by transit) - and get this - a seven minute walk to a church i plan on plugging into on sundays. (for the record, i am still very much so committed to the church in regent park on saturdays and plan on sticking around.)

one of my biggest prayers in moving was that i would find a church within walking distance (of wherever i ended up) so i could pour into, and be a part of, the church and community i find myself in. looks like my prayer was answered - no more commuting in and out once a week for this one!

on top of all of this, i believe the Lord gave me a verse and prayer for this upcoming season through my soon to be new apartment number, 308:

"give me neither poverty nor riches, but give me only my daily bread" - proverbs 30:8

i don't make much money (very grateful - not complaining) and it's been pretty tight this month, so this passage is especially fitting. call me crazy, and maybe this is because crazy provision has always been a part of my story, but i don't seek after riches or even financial stability. i work hard, do what i can, try and live a generous life, and trust God to take care of the rest, nor do i long for financial poverty (thanks, captain obvious); this prayer serves as a reminder of the importance of living in the 'just enough'; something i find myself constantly wrestling with in our culture because of the field i am in and the populations i work with. (there is nothing wrong with making and having money, by the way - i am just sharing my journey and where i am at with this.)

the truth is, as much as He has taken care of me (usually through the generosity and kindness of others) up until this point, he will do the same moving forward. after all, he is my daily bread, the provider - my provider - of all things. daily.

i've already seen some crazy things happen since making that verse my prayer.

i found a ride (one way) to my work conference/credentialing banquet next month and a roommate to cut the cost in half, my sister offered to pay for my train so i can go and visit her and the baby in just over a week, a friend gave me a gift card to subway (i eat a veggie sub at least three times a week) this afternoon to celebrate my recent credentialing, another friend from college (over a decade ago) emailed me this morning to let me know that he and his wife would like to make sure i have the right pair of running shoes for my upcoming mud hero run (stay tuned for details), and relationally (provision goes beyond finances), i've eaten less meals alone and had more invitations to hang out this week than i have in a long time (and even had to turn one down so i could rest and spend some much needed time alone!)

what do you need this week? better yet, today? don't be afraid to ask the Lord, our Daily Bread, for it. He knows what we need before we ask, yes, but ask Him any ways!