there's an inner conflict that comes with losing someone you love.

on one hand, your life is consumed by a hole; a deep, and painful, un-fillable hole.

but on the other hand, you know that life is a gift, and you have a lot to be thankful for.

some days, the hole consumes you, and others, gratitude does; the key is to learn to live with both.

my birthday is coming up this week, and i just feel ... weird. it's my first one without my mom [and without a parent, period]. how does one celebrate a day without the two who are responsible for bringing you into this world? i mean, i will - obviously - because i have a lot to be thankful for, but i'd be lying if i didn't say that this is one of those times where the hole seems all consuming.

either way, i'm determined to make this my best year yet.

i have a trip to boston planned in a few weeks to see my boys in blue take on the red sox, a trip to ottawa planned in a few weeks, an all inclusive one planned for june, and am in the midst of working on a trip to arizona in july to, you guessed it, watch my jays play in the desert.

i've dedicated this summer to 'healing and fun', before making a potential career change in the fall, but hey, let's just take one day at a time, shall we?