does anyone else feel an ounce of compassion for the driver responsible for the humboldt bus crash?

now before you get all squirrely on me, i understand that he is responsible for killing 16 and injuring 13 people, and that in itself is beyond tragic, but my heart breaks for him, too. maybe it would have been different had he had been under the influence, or looking down at his phone, or if he decided to deliberately blow through a stop sign due to poor time management. but he didn't do any of those things; he was simply inexperienced and allegedly distracted by the unsecured tarp on the back of his truck instead of noticing the (literal) warning signs. it could have happened to any one of us, and the fact that he has taken full responsibility for his actions and decided to spare the families an exhausting and painful court process because he knows how much pain he has already caused them makes me feel even more sorry for him. though i believe that consequences are necessary in this case (and in most cases), there's gotta be grace.

i would say that i am pretty good (and getting better) at extending grace to others (at least when my emotions die down), but i really suck - and i mean really suck - at extending grace to myself. i am my own worst critic, after all.

anyone with me? any one else lie in bed at night and replay things you said, but shouldn't have? things you didn't do, but should have? hurt that you caused? people you misunderstood or withheld love from due to insecurity?

real talk: i've been wrestling with feelings of shame lately and battling self- hate when it comes to who i am when i'm (mentally) sick. how i act. my resting ______ face (i work with youth; i shall not swear) and my intense emotions.

but as i sit here thinking about jaskirat singh sidhu, the truck driver responsible for that tragic accident almost a year ago, i remember that i deserve grace, too. we all do.