i walked into his office angry. after all, he told me that he specialized in helping people with their anger.

only, he couldn't help me. i just got finished telling him that i felt 'destructively angry', and he, well, wanted to show me the anger thermometer that he drew using fifty shades of red. (bet you thought i was going to say grey, didn't you?)

"this is when you are feeling angry", he said as he pointed to a lighter shade of red. "and this", he said pointing to a deeper red, "is when you're really mad. see the difference?"

i stared at him blankly. which part of your thermometer would one be on when they felt like punching someone in the face, i thought.

needless to say, i wasn't impressed with his colour wheel; i handed him my money and left even more angry.

i made really dumb decisions that week, to no fault of my own. the truth is, i didn't know how to process all of the anger that i was feeling that day, nor did i know the root of it, and truthfully, i sit here just as angry years later.

the castrucci way is to stuff everything, blow up, and stuff again. that's all i've ever known. but thankfully, with a lot of work, patterns can change; all we have ever known doesn't have to be all that we ever know.

not sure who i am writing this for today. maybe for me. maybe for you. but whether you're wrestling through deep rooted anger or shame (i feel that at times, too), or working through an addiction or an unhealthy thought pattern, today is a new day. today, you can make a change. today, you can heal (or at the very least, make a step towards healing.)

that's what i will be doing today, starting with searching my heart (out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks - luke 6:45), and practicing biting my tongue (fools vent their anger, but the wise quietly hold it back - proverbs 29:11.) wish me luck.