there are three different ways to wake up: on the wrong side of the bed (depression), in the middle of it (numbness/indifference), or my favourite, on the right side of the bed (full of joy.)

one, depression.

i open my eyes and wonder if this is my reality. i find it hard to breathe. the air suffocates me and a thick darkness envelops me. i close my eyes in hopes to numb the pain, but i wake again only to find out that it's still there, sometimes even stronger. it's completely life-sucking, but i do what i can to make it through to what i call stage two, indifference.

although i feel pretty indifferent while depressed, this particular type of indifference isn’t constant; this kind can be (temporarily) avoided with some good company, a beautiful hike, by catching a ball game or diving into a good book. essentially anything that brings me life. and this is where i am today. i'm not suffocating, i don't feel completely hopeless and energy-less, but i do feel indifferent, and at this stage, i find myself fighting to find my joy again.

when i find it, i'm at my best. it's where you'll see and experience the part of me that's full of life. contagious and fun to be around. encouraging. life-giving. happy.

of course, being happy all the time isn't anyone's reality, and although i will never say (or believe) that depression is a necessary part of life, i do believe that low-times are; they keep you grounded and thankful, give you something to fight for, and if you allow them to, help you become more compassionate and understanding.

truth be told, i prefer waking up on the right side of the bed, but the more i live, the more i realize that life requires some form of balance and shouldn't be lived on one side of the bed alone. that is, unless you prefer sleeping on an extremely uncomfortable, lopsided mattress.