picture this.

you and your friends are sitting at the dinner table enjoying a full course meal. caesar salad with all the fixings. pasta oozing with sauce that has been simmered for the perfect amount of time. succulent garlic bread. and warm (yes, warm) cookies and ice cream to top it all off.

but, there's a catch.

on the floor next to you is another group of people. they're eating dinner, too. only they're not eating a full course meal; they're eating half a bowl of rice with their hands, and washing it down with a cup of tap water.

seems weird, doesn't it? that you would be sitting at a table eating a home cooked meal while others are sitting on the floor next to you eating rice?

welcome to the poverty meal; an activity that my co-leader and i ran last week with a group of students from scarborough.

even though i was considered 'rich' that night (a meal i couldn't seem to enjoy, by the way), the debrief was hard for me. listening to how the group felt sitting on the floor, eating rice, and even worse than that, the divide they felt because of some of our comments (the other leader and i were told to say certain things, though we got carried away). it was hard to see that their feelings were hurt. in fact, it angered me. it angered me that i have plenty (something i am equally as grateful for) and that others don't.

sure, it was only an activity - the ones who pulled a 'P' out of the hat got to go back to eating whatever they wanted the next day - but for some, this isn't an activity, it's their reality.

even still, i've thought about this meal every time i have eaten since. it's helped me portion my food better, think about the money i spend on it, and caused me to feel sick to my stomach when i threw half of my meal away the other day because i was full and it wasn't 'saveable'.

i have more questions than answers as i type this.

is educating youth about poverty through youth unlimited or handing out water through operation hydration enough? is helping run a community dinner every Saturday in regent park helping? will a bridge between the rich and the poor ever be built like i believe God intended? and the biggest question of all, what more can i do?

admittedly, i've become numb to a lot of things happening in the world today. ashamedly, most things don't affect me or surprise me as i scroll my twitter feed anymore.

the event in Charlottesville, however, was different. i felt angry and heavy hearted, and still do.

but again, what can i do? is posting a facebook status necessary or even helpful? is doing a heart check and making sure i hold no prejudice of my own, along with praying or promoting peace and inclusivity in my own life, enough?

truthfully, i'm at a loss for words (and actions).

what can i do? what can we do?