Wednesday, September 14, 2011

i had my first real crush in grade nine [that says a lot about the guys in my public school], which quickly ended the day i found him 'making out' under a tree with one of my good friends. [clearly i had shade-y friends]. so i moved on. and on. and on.

aside from the one guy i recently proposed to via facebook [disclaimer: he lives in Fiji - what's a girl to do?], my dating life hasn't moved past the crushing stage. and this month has been no different.

this hot guy [and i mean 'why didn't God make you a twin?!' kind of hot] walked into my work recently, so i did what any girl would do. i fainted. just kidding. i looked deeply into his beautiful blue eyes and wooed him with my best smile. within seconds, though, my heart shattered into a million pieces [drama much?] as i glanced at his left hand. yep, you guessed it. someone liked it and put a ring on it. oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh. [sorry, couldn't resist]. needless to say, it ended there [my crush, not his marriage], and i haven't seen him since.

that is, until he showed up in my dream one night.

so here we were sitting at the beach [and by we i mean he, his wife, their two kids and i] when all of a sudden the mrs. needs to take the kids to the bathroom. perfect, i thought. time to make my move. yes me, the one who 'would never do that'. i get out of my chair, walk towards him, and, and ... i wake up. true story.

'NO FREAKIN WAY', i thought. there's no way i would do THAT!

suddenly a thought came into my mind.

how dare i judge someone for something that i myself am capable of doing.

and how dare YOU.

now don't go tying your panties up in a knot. there's no need for you to hide yo husbands [and you certainly don't have to hide yo wives and yo kids] - they'll be no climbing in your windows here. i have no intent in kissing your man when you take your kids to the bathroom. but - get this - the very thing we are quick to judge [especially in the church] is the very thing that we are capable of doing, simply because we're human and were born into sin.

do you think david EVER thought that he was capable of sleeping with bathseba, let alone murdering her husband uriah so he wouldn't get caught? my guess is no. or how about the adulterous woman? do you think she planned on sleeping with multiple men especially knowing that the consequence was [should have been by law] being stoned to death?

or how about serial killers/sex offenders/abductors nowadays? i bet if you asked randall hopley what he wanted to be when he grew up, he wouldn't have said, "i want to kidnap children" [if in fact he even did; the whole kienan hebert story seems fishy to me], but you get the point. life does some crazy things to people. so does mental illness. tragedy. compromise.

now, let it be said that in no ways do i condone such behavior. my guess is that you don't either. BUT the pendulum shouldn't be swinging on the complete opposite side either; as much as we're not to condone murder, adultery, kidnapping, or even things 'as small as' lying and gossiping [yeah, i went there], we're not to judge either.

“Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye" [Matthew 7:1-5]

still learning,


Sunday, September 4, 2011

it's funny how my last post was about how it's 'not about me' and i sit here two months later wrestling with the very same statement. 

with several heart attacks and surgeries under his belt, severe diabetes and an inability to walk, my dad has needed 24 hour care for as long as i can remember. in addition to this, as most of you know, he suffered a stroke this week.  my mom, who is his primary caregiver, is recovering from the triple bypass she had a month a go; the leg they took the vein out of seems to get worse by the day, so she's in no shape to take care of my dad.

so that leaves me, their unemployed [though i prefer to say 'in between jobs'] daughter, to take care of them for a short while [hopefully a very short while] ;)

i've been here a day so far and i'm already dying of boredom. don't get me wrong, i don't mind cooking, doing dishes, laundry, grocery shopping or even cleaning up the occasional 'accident', but it's the 'in between' times that make me go borderline insane ;) 

times where we're sitting in their 400 square foot apartment watching the country music channel;  times where my parents sleep, or bicker, or times where i need to get out of the apartment but have a lack of things to do in this small town, and limited friends to do them with. 

but love takes sacrifice, doesn't it?  and surely, my parents have sacrificed more than enough for the one writing this blog. 

so here we are. day one almost complete.  thankfully, my dad seems fine and 'with it' today, and my mom, despite her horrible leg infection, is doing well also.

here's to a speedy recovery,