Thursday, December 20, 2012

below is a repost [i think] of a blog i wrote just after my 31st birthday almost two years ago. i most certainly needed this reminder today, and decided to post it just in case some of you do, too.'s been said that the amount of blows it takes you to blow out your birthday candles equals the amount of boyfriends you have. i should know; i was reminded of this a few weeks ago when i celebrated one. 31 candles are a lot to blow out, i'll have you know, but juggling four boyfriends is much harder.

okay, okay. i don't really have four boyfriends. in fact, i don't even have ... one.

that's right. do the math. 31, and single. alone. by myself. table for one. riding solo. i'm riding solo, i'm riding solo. [this musical interlude has been brought to you by jason derulo].

each year it seems as though more and more people jump on the "we need to find paula a husband" bandwagon. it's not uncommon for me to get an email stating that the sender is 'praying that God sends me a man soon', nor is it uncommon for someone to come up to me and boldly say such things to my face. now, let it be known that i LOOOOOOOVE men [a lot actually - especially when they look like derek morgan from criminal minds or the mcdreamy/steamy combo from greys], but i can't help but wonder something - what do people see when they look at me? someone who is ... missing something?

because that's not what i see. i see a young woman who has traveled the world. i see a 31 year old who lives a life of purpose. i see someone who is about to see yet another dream come true. i see beauty. confidence. humour. compassion. life. and the list goes on.

who do you see when you look in the mirror? do you simply see a role you play? a wife to ____? mom to _____? nurse? teacher etc? is your identity attached to who you know or what you are? or does it go much deeper than that?

you see, as a woman, the world would tell us that by the time we reach a certain age that we should have a husband, a kid or two [or more if we're crazy - just kidding nic], an ability to cook, bake, sew, whatever; and a green thumb to boot. i, on the other hand, am husband-less and kid-less. i can't hem a pair of pants for the life of me, and you will never - i repeat never - see me spending time in a garden. and you know something? i'm okay with that.

now don't get me wrong, it's perfectly fine to be a wife, or a mom, or to fill any [or every] single one of the roles mentioned in this blog for that matter, but take it from me, ladies - IT'S EQUALLY OKAY if you don't!

here's the thing - and i want you to catch this: our identity shouldn't be found in who we know or what we do.

because truth be told, when everything is stripped away, it's not going to matter whose wife you are, how many kids you have, what you do for a living, or how well you can sing, cook a meal, or whatever else you take pride in. all that's going to matter is who you belong to and who are you are a result: a loved and cherished daughter of the king!

Wednesday, December 19, 2012

i was reading through my journal a while a go and got a chuckle out of the below entry, dated november 18, 2005.

"if life could look the way i want it to, i would be married with three kids [and pregnant with my fourth]. i would be living in a perfect size home for the soon-to-be six of us with a beautiful backyard. i would take the kids to the park today, and then come home to write my husband a nice "thanks for working today" letter to read before his nice home cooked [swiss chalet] meal, because chicken is healthy and sooooooooo darn good. [i will cook some nights, too]. then i would tuck all three of my beautiful children [remember - the fourth is still in my belly with the chicken] in bed and read them robert munch's book, "i will love you forever". after that, i would spend the evening talking to my hubby, asking him how his day was and filling him in on mine [and all the married people laugh], but that is what life would look like today if it could".


my how things change.

i still love swiss chalet, writing letters to my future husband is a given, and i will most definitely read the greatest book ever written to my kids before bed, but the rest of it makes me laugh. a lot. i couldn't picture myself being a stay at home mom, let alone be expecting my fourth child. or my first for that matter.

life never goes the way we want it to, or the way we think we do, does it?

"we can make our plans, but the Lord determines our steps" [proverbs 16:9]

Saturday, December 8, 2012

yesterday was the perfect day.

i woke up at my BFF's house and had the chance to hug her and her precious kids before they started their day. from there, i met a friend at starbucks and we talked, and laughed. a lot.

i finished my fifth book in five weeks.

three of the most solid men in my life [and the cutest kid] dropped by to catch up.

my sister picked me up, we went grocery shopping, and my favourite yogourt was on sale [it's the small things in life that matter] =)

i opened up my email only to find an e-transfer from a friend out west who wanted to encourage me to keep on loving. i felt [and feel] so blessed by her investment in my life and by a God who continually reminds me that he has my back in this season of waiting.

i get home to my first christmas card from a friend who wanted to remind me that she is thinking of me on the first christmas without my dad.

then i get a text from my BFF that put a smile on my face and filled my heart with gratitude.

with that, i went to bed with the hugest smile on my face, thanking God for a great day and knowing i had something to look forward to when i woke up today.

i live a rich life.

Wednesday, December 5, 2012

1) words have power. don't wait until a funeral to say what you wanted to say. say it today. encourage someone. honor each other. love one another.

2) there are always things you can do during a season of 'waiting'. for me, i write letters. i wrote eleven yesterday [not including the emails i sent out] and have a list of people to write to before my head hits the pillow tonight. we all have something to give, and people around us who need what we have to offer.

3) there are two 'types' of people in this world, if you will: life-suckers, and life-givers. be a life-giver, and surround yourself with them.

4) christmas isn't about presents and january doesn't have to be about debt. first of all, let it be said that i am in no way shape or form against presents. i think gifts are a great way to show the people in your life that you love them. but they're not the only way. so if you're like me and you're low on cash, don't feel bad. just be creative and 'present'. love doesn't have a pricetag. [and that goes for those of you who do have money also].

5) read number one again and go do it =)