Saturday, October 20, 2012

today, i'm thankful for a God who stands by His promise to take care of me, and for all of the people in my life who remind me of this very fact each and every day.

i haven't had a paycheque since august 10th, but 'somehow' i haven't gone without.

i had three coffee dates yesterday, and managed to only spend $1.35. my caffeine intake was taken care of by some of my most generous friends. thank you, cliff, sandy, and lisa for giving me the most precious gift: your time.

then i get a text from my sister saying that she doesn't have any work for me to do, but she wants to buy me any groceries i need. so i sent her a list: chocolate soy milk and bananas for my shake, and mini wheats 'or any healthier cereal that's on sale'. i get home not only to find these three things, but a costco sized box of my favourite - and very necessary - mints =) [let it be known that i am also very grateful to have a roof over my head and a comfy bed to rest mine]. thank you, robin.

i desperately needed some medicine this week [plan to blog on that later] and my family took care of it without hesitation. thank you, robin and mom.

then i got an email from a friend i haven't seen in years stating that she wants to email me some money on monday, which will prevent my phone from getting cut off ... to the day. thank you, maria.

and let's not forget monday when my good friend decided to take me out to buy me some make-up and hair dye so i could feel good about myself, and then proceeded to tell me that she put some money aside to take me clothes shopping, too. thank you, vanessa.

i'm thankful for a bff who constantly feeds me the most kick ass meals, listens to me, and speaks truth into my life when i can't find it myself. thank you, sarah.

and a friend who i haven't seen since high school, who took me out for lunch this week and is paying me to help her run a kids/jr. high program tonight at a local salvation army church. thank you, emily.

and, and ... the list goes on.

how could i not be thankful? i am well taken care of!

Wednesday, October 17, 2012

facebook can be such a poor excuse for friendship, a time waster, and a place where one can either a) make their lives seem more exciting than they really are b) hide behind their feelings and/or c) gauge their popularity according to the number of 'likes' and comments they get on a status or photo.

a) no one's life is as good as they make it appear in social media. this is why i *used to* use my statuses as a way of letting those who care know exactly how i'm feeling - the good, the bad, and the ugly. [i was intentional in including the ugly for this purpose]. life sucks sometimes; it can be hard, disappointing, and painful, and we need to stop treating our facebook like high school reunions [putting on our best outfits, rehearsing 'what we do for a living', getting our best pics ready etc], and stop - hear this - comparing our lives with that which we see on our home page.

b) like texting, people use facebook to communicate things they don't have the guts to say in person. this isn't healthy and can be quite damaging.

c) people often comment on the ridiculous amount of likes and comments i get on my facebook. one of my friends actually teases me and says that i could get 100 likes on a status that was as stupid as "i like eyeballs" [that's his exact example in fact], and that he would get less than five on one that informed his friends of something exciting going on in his life. though neither are entirely true, i can see why this would bother someone if they 'weren't getting any likes'. but please - hear this from me, one who wrestles with this on both ends sometimes - the amount of likes/comments you get doesn't accurately measure how much you are cared for! [think about it. how much effort does it take for one to press 'like' any ways?]

i took my facebook down for four days last week and couldn't have been more at peace about it. i had a considerable amount of extra time on my hands, and i felt less miserable on account that i, too, am guilty of falling in the 'comparison trap', exhibit letter 'a' above, at times.

in all honesty, i didn't want to reactivate my account in fear that i would fall into my old facebook habits, but my mom asked me to, and i quickly realized how many important contacts i would lose. so i made boundaries instead.

i will no longer use my statuses to let people know how i am doing. my close friends and family will know how i am, those who follow me on twitter [which i use as a mini blog only], and those who choose to read this blog.

i will no longer scroll through the home page. there are a select few that i will check in with once in a while, but other than that, i will be using facebook for personal communication only. if you're getting married, have kids, get a new job, whatever, and you want me to know, tell me =)

and last but not least, i will continue to reach out to my friends and family beyond facebook, and continue to call people on their birthdays instead of joining the majority of the population who think that writing a measly 'HBD' on someone's wall is a sufficient way to celebrate the life of a friend.

will you join me?

Saturday, October 6, 2012

i don't remember 'skinny' being found in proverbs 31.

listen fellas, i know that you're 'designed' to go after that which is appealing to the human eye, but beauty is fleeting. one day even your lady - yes your lady - will have wrinkles, stretch marks, or both, and you'll be 'stuck' with her ... personality.

now, let it be said, in no ways am i naive; i know that there are many women out there who are thin and beautiful according to the world's standards AND have a great personality, but there are a lot who don't. i cannot tell you how many of my guy friends [or youth that i 'work' with] settle for a woman who abuses/controls them simply because she is thin/pretty, or because he is loyal and/or comfortable.

men: know your worth.

and ladies, we're not exempt from our standards, either. far too many of us settle for someone who treats us like crap also, just so we can feel beautiful, valued, and worth something.

ladies, know your worth.

friends, male and female alike, you are far too valuable to allow someone to mistreat you, use you, and abuse you. instead, find someone who loves you, values you, and treasures you ... because you ARE treasured ... and refuse to settle until you do.

know your worth.

Friday, October 5, 2012

have you ever pulled an all nighter? sure you have. initially, you are pumped and full of energy. 10:00? the adrenaline kicks in. midnight? hanging in there. but from that point on, you're starting to wonder if this was really a good idea. somehow you make it to 3:00a.m. [are you insane?], but by then, your pillow is looking more fluffy than the night before. you're exhausted. can you make it? you sure don't feel like it!

BUT you know that you know that you know that if you don't give up, if you just hang on for those last three hours, that a new day will come. YOU ARE GOING TO SEE THE SUN!!!!!! so what do you do? do you give up and crawl into your bed? or do you continue on with what you set out to do, which in this case, is make it through the night.

the last few days have felt like '3:00a.m' days for me. days where i've felt as though i was surrounded by darkness. sure, i started this month off all excited and pumped up on adrenaline [like 10:00p.m. at an all nighter], but as the hours passed, quitting seemed like the way to go. did i? no. i never will. but did i consider it? you bet i did.

but then i was reminded of a verse in psalms and it all made sense to me.

"my soul waits for the Lord,
more than watchmen wait for the morning,
more than watchmen wait for the morning"
- psalm 130:6

more than watchmen wait for the morning = waiting for the sun to come up when you're pulling an all nighter.

in the same way, we are to wait for the Lord.

dark times will come. you'll have days where you feel depressed, angry, whatever. sometimes you're going to want to's inevitable. but in the same way that you know you are going to see the sun if you stay up all night, you need to know that God is going to show up for you in even the darkest of seasons. all it takes is for you to hang on those extra few hours...that extra hour...

because if you do...


Thursday, October 4, 2012

a few things.

1) my family and friends are of utmost importance to me, and i like to think that i spend all of my energy showing them that.

2) i hate masks. i wear my emotions on my sleeve and i think everyone an extent.

3) silent gratitude is of no use to anyone. nor are the speeches that are spoken at funerals. in other words, those people you love...tell them how much they mean to you today. you may never get another chance to.

4) you can do anything you want to do. don't listen to the critics. they don't see all of your potential, and if they did, they would try and snuff it from you. words have power. use yours wisely.

5) i fail to celebrate how far i've come sometimes. instead, i spend most of my time beating myself up over the flaws i still have. today, however, i choose to think about how far i've come. you do the same.

and last and certainly not least, jesus is everything - and i mean everything. people come and go. jobs aren't permanent. money sucks. having none sucks more. and things don't last forever. but jesus? he never changes. he's solid. constant. sure.

Tuesday, October 2, 2012

'give us this day our daily bread'

this part of the Lord's prayer has never been as real to me as it has been the past few days.

i'm currently unemployed/in a season of transition as most of you know, and running out of money fast.

in fact, when i woke up this morning, i had just under $4 to my name.

so here i was praying as i was helping my friend paint her house. praying for my friends who are going through the thick of it, and praying that God would provide the money i needed today for bus tickets and laundry.

next thing you know, i receive a $50 e-transfer from a friend this afternoon because it, as she put it, was on her heart to do so.

then i get home only to find out that my sister came home with enough loonies for seven loads of laundry. BOOM.


how often do we exchange the assurance that GOD WILL BE EVERYTHING WE NEED HIM TO BE TODAY for unnecessary worry about tomorrow?