Tuesday, January 9, 2018

love your neighbour as ... wait for it ... yourself.

yourself.

as in you.

as in, at the risk of sounding like the beibs, you need to love yourself.

you see, i love a part of me. i love the funny (well, really funny) side to me. the thoughtful, kind, generous, encouraging (okay, okay) part of me. most of me. but i despise the 'other part. the moody, impatient, angry me. the part of me that shuts down and withdraws; the insecure, scared little girl that pushes people away.

so what do you do with that? what do YOU do with that? (because i know i'm not alone in this.)

1. practice acceptance.

i need to learn to accept me for me. the whole package. the fact that i'm flawed and imperfect. not who people want me to be at times. not who i want to be, either. at best, i'm content and full of life. at worst, fragile and insecure.

2. say no to shame.

shame, defined as a painful feeling of humiliation or distress caused by the consciousness of wrong or foolish behaviour, is my go-to. i feel humiliated when i react poorly, bury myself in guilt, and withdraw. of course, the degree of this looks different depending on other factors (who i hurt or frustrated, how stressed i feel, how tired i am etc), but i walk through the same process every single time.

which leads me to next point:

3. give yourself some grace and try, try again.

sometimes this looks like not letting my brain trick me into believing that everyone is going to give up on me. other times, forcing myself to look people in the eye, be vulnerable, open up and have difficult conversations (which i suck at, by the way.) and sometimes, it means taking a deep breath and reminding myself of how far i've come, that God isn't done with me yet, and that i actually do have a lot of patient people in my life who love me enough to see me through.

having a hard time loving yourself at times, too? practice acceptance, say no to shame, extend grace to yourself and keep on trucking.

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