Monday, October 5, 2015

those of you who know me can attest to the fact that i'm an extremely emotional being.

i feel things. i cry when i'm grateful, when i'm hurting, when others are, or when i watch shows like the amazing race or undercover boss.

i love deeply and invest wholeheartedly.

but with all of this comes the constant need to recognize and adjust expectations, and the risk of facing hurt and disappointment in the process.

you see, while i acknowledge that emotion and feelings are a beautiful thing, i reject the emotional side of me more often than not.

that being said, i hate that i feel so much. i hate that i lay in bed for hours replaying a conversation i had but shouldn't have, or dwelling on something someone said to me that they shouldn't have.

when i'm hurt, i get angry and adopt an 'i don't care' attitude, and when i'm really hurt, i shut down, isolate myself, and let the few that have hurt me make me believe that everyone will.

when all is said and done [though i'm working on it], i have a hard time trusting people and find very few people safe.

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