my alarm went off at six a.m. this morning, only i didn't need it to; my mind had been racing since four.

"how will i be able to muster up enough energy to function at work?", i thought. "what if i don't deal with things properly or just end up staring blankly into space like i have been doing the past few days?"

i could feel my heart race and my chest tighten with every passing thought.

i stood up and headed for the shower any way. only seconds later, i found myself back under the covers awaiting my snooze button.

i eventually made it to the shower, but once i even thought about putting on mascara, packing a lunch or jumping on the bus (rather small tasks for a normal day), i went back into hiding. next thing you know, i found myself sending a few "i'm not feeling well (which is true mentally) and will be working from home today" emails.

it's 1:00p.m as i type this. i crawled (that's the perfect word for it) out of bed at 11 and wangled to send out the necessary emails since, and hopefully soon, this blog, which i pound out for many reasons.

one, to let you know that you're not alone and that i see you; the one who suffers with anxiety and/or depression. the one who's up with me at 4:00a.m feeling overwhelmed and taking deep breaths. the one who cries after getting off the phone with a coworker who wanted to ask some questions and set you on your credentialing track. i see you.

two, because social media has turned into a highlight reel and i want to free people from the need to look like they have everything together.

and three, because i sure as heck don't.

life can be fun at times, exciting and so full, and truthfully, mine fits into this category more times than not.

but sometimes, i have a hard time getting out of bed and facing the day. sometimes, my pain surfaces and my heart hurts, and i feel really, really alone and anxious.

and so on those days i take a break from work, use some of the lieu time i have saved up, sit in my backyard and write a blog, because, well, i see you, and i want you to be able to see me, too.