1) people are insensitive, but God is gracious.
on the morning my dad passed away, my siblings and i dropped my mom off at the door of her apartment and then went to park the car. when we met up with her a few minutes later, she told us about a conversation that had taken place in the few seconds we weren't together. after finding out that my dad passed away, a man who lives in her building went up to her and said, "you know, linda, the ambulance woke me up this morning and i wasn't able to get back to sleep". true story. [i say God is gracious because had i have been there, i'm certain that i would have punched him in the face].
2) love and support often come from the most unlikely places.
it's been said that you really learn who your true friends are in times like these and i couldn't agree more. in most cases, the people who i thought would be there for me, haven't been, and those i didn't even think about reaching out to me have been the ones that have the most.
3) the probability of me picking up the phone 'to talk' is slim, but the possibility of me 'needing' to is great.
i've been on the other side of this whole thing. you know, the watching your friend go through something and feeling helpless thing. and it sucks. but the whole 'call me if you need me' line doesn't usually 'work', and the 'i would call but you're probably too busy or have others surrounding you' one is, more often that not, farthest from the truth. the first couple of days, maybe. but after that [or the funeral if there is one], people tend to back away and forget about you, when really, that's when they [ i ] need you the most.
4) everyone grieves differently, and i really don't know how to.
everyone in my family is dealing with this differently. some use humour to get through, some are full of anger, and others cry. but me? i just feel ... lost ... and miss my dad.