i haven't been the best version of myself lately.

my heart is full of anger, and my mind? suicidal thoughts [with no courage to follow through]. i wish i could. believe me, i wish i could. heaven seems a lot more appealing these days; heaven feels like ... home.

nothing else does, really. i live in a beautiful and safe place, but it's not permanent, and it's not mine.

nothing really is.

i feel like a vagabond; the home i grew up in is nothing but a memory, the town i lived in seems oddly vacant, and the two people who brought me into this world are gone. somehow it always comes back to them being gone.

i'm barely hanging on. i'm merely just going through the motions at this point, hoping that one day soon, i will feel like myself again.